Fairy tale spam

I just got a very nice e-mail from a guy in an undisclosed African country. His father was "a licensed solid mineral (gold, diamond ) Cocoa etc exporter." So far, I'm right with him: the raw material for making chocolate absolutely deserves to be classified with gold and diamonds. And if you've got all three in the family, well, you're set for life, right?

Sadly, no. His father passed away, and the story becomes tragic:

"Few years before my father died he apparently married a woman who became my stepmother because my mother died when i was very young. My stepmother already had two daughters of about my age, and they came with her to live in my Father's house. I discovered that there was some ill-feeling from my stepmother towards me, since then i have been badly treated; being forced to undertake work befitting only a servant, in my father's own house."

Wait, a stepmother (whom your father "apparently married") and two evil stepdaughters? You're being made to work like a servant? Do they have you cleaning out the fireplace? Holy mackerel! Despite the alias, I am positive this is Cinderello writing.

Poor guy, the situation becomes worse.

"When my father died instead of being in the state of mourns as custom demand with our tradition, she went as much as desired and claimed my father's property and in future to come she stand as a possible danger to my live with atitude to me."

First of all, outrageous that she didn't travel to the "state of mourns." Secondly, she went elsewhere, "as much as desired." Heartwrenching. And the clincher is, she is dangerous to his "live with attitude to me."

It was just at this point that I started wondering what I could do to help this poor boy. If only there was a way to lift his spirits and get him out of the evil stepmother situation...

But wait! There is a way! I can help him with some money, some 8 million euros, which he has in a bank! But can't withdraw. All I have to do is get in touch with him, send him my contact information, and then withdraw the money. No problem, right? And in thanks for all my help, he'll give me ten percent of the money.

What a saint, that Cinderello. I'm going to write back right away.