Fixed

So, we have our phone back. They sent us a replacement power cord for the router, which I was highly skeptical about. It was identical to the old (new) power cord, and anyway, lack of power was never the problem (flashing lights were on, and internet worked, just not the phone). Yet, after plugging the power cord in and while waiting for the router to initialize, the Mister picked up the phone and wiggled the phone cord.

And the phone turned on. Now, it seems that the wiggling is what did the trick, but I wiggled it and uplugged it and plugged it in again a million times when the problem first occurred, with no result. So, did the (seemingly pointless) new router power cord have an effect? Or am I a doofus and the phone cord just needed a better wiggle than I ever gave it?

As the Mister said, somewhat solemnly and dramatically: We'll never know.

Anyway, today I am thankful for renewed contact with the outside world... via old-fashioned phone lines, that is.